Monday, 8 February 2010

Five Things I Learned from Reading Patricia Highsmith Novels

1. Men are weak.
Either that, or they're cowards, or creeps, or weirdos, or indeed psychos. Or all of the above. And also usually a bit gay. Probably best to avoid men altogether, or, if that's not practical, avoid men called Guy or Charles, as likely as not they'll become obsessed with you and then murder you. And maybe avoid any Roberts, who will prowl around outside your house and then murder your ex, or Howards, who are liable to kill you accidentally (although your body will never be found), which is small comfort as you'll still be dead. As for Toms... well, it could go either way.

2. Women are bitches.
If it weren't for women, everything would be fine. They're nothing but bloody trouble. When they aren't actively trying to entrap you or scheming your downfall, they'll flutter about being generally useless or spending all your money on extended extravagant holidays. Or they'll commit suicide.

3. Crime does not pay.
Unless you're Tom Ripley. In which case, it does, although it also requires further crime, usually the odd murder or two.

4. There's no such thing as an ending.
Either happy or otherwise. Events merely peter out, often accompanied by the ringing of a telephone.

5. Better answer that tele--

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